Dear Donald, I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest fuck up in the history of our nations. That is that the word is out, that the lower orders are revolting. Two score years ago, Saint Margaret of Finchley, in whose symbolic shadow we standContinue reading “I Have A Dream”
Author Archives: Lance Goodman
Letters from Number 10
7th October 2020. Dear Dom, Fuck it. Boris.
The Great Recovery
The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington October 6th 2020 Dear Boris, I feel great, just great. I thought you would like to know. I’ve recovered more quickly than anyone, I probably know more than anyone about recovery. Really. The doctors all said how great I am doing and they had never seen anyone recoverContinue reading “The Great Recovery”
“Easy…”
Over the years, when it comes to fettling with mechanicals, I have learned nothing. Nothing… except that after the event there are easier ways to give blood rather than by stabbing your thumb with a rusty Stanley knife whose edge has been blunted by repeated overuse cutting old Lino on a concrete floor. There isContinue reading ““Easy…””
The Crime of the Ancient Mariner
Apologies to Coleridge It is an ancient Mariner, And he stoppeth one of three, “By thy black beard and quizzical eye, Now, why hast thou stopped me?” The ‘Blue Anchor’s’ doors are opened wide, And I am wont to cross in, Two pints of middle, to hear the craic, To make a merry din. HeContinue reading “The Crime of the Ancient Mariner”
Letters from 1600
The White House Washington May 6th 2020 Dear Boris, I’m pleased to hear you are back at work after catching the virus. I hear it was bad. Pretty bad, a bad virus. Did I tell you the time I caught a virus. It was a bad one. Felt terrible. I had to take antibiotics orContinue reading “Letters from 1600”
Letters from Number 10. The Covid Files 2.
20th April 2020 Dear Dom, “QED” as my old housemaster used to say when confiscating our packets of fags and condoms before sneaking off to the ‘Nanny and Spanker’ in Windsor to put them to good use himself. He of course meant ‘Quod Erat Demonstrandum’ but I note some wags are calling our response toContinue reading “Letters from Number 10. The Covid Files 2.”
Letter From Number 10: ‘The Covid Files”
Dear Dom. I’m thinking of seeing this letter to my subjects. What do you think? “Well, I did not see that coming. I don’t think anybody did” as my old housemaster used to say to his mistress giving him a furtive ‘under the table’ hand job in the back bar at the Nanny and SpankerContinue reading “Letter From Number 10: ‘The Covid Files””
It was a beautiful Spring day
Photo by Darren Welsh on Unsplash It was a beautiful Spring day. The last of the golden daffodils danced along hedgerows in the warming air. Primroses burst in yellow and green clumps, forcing attention upon themselves like debutantes at a ball. Little fluffy clouds in small groups of little puffs wandered across the blue. Chaffinches cleared their throats.Continue reading “It was a beautiful Spring day”
The Little People
Photo by Zhen Hu on Unsplash Once upon a time, under a red capped, white spotted toadstool, sheltered by a fallen oak tree riddled with the bore holes of wood lice and beetles, in a green fern shaded glade in the woods near Penponds, lived a Pixie tribe headed by a matriarch called ‘Joan of the Wad’. JoanContinue reading “The Little People”
Looking After Your Ring. 